Havana, Cuba – “The City of Big Cigarettes”.
Money: Well jangle my coins Fatty! I thought we were in Perth, but bless my lucky stars – We’re abroad! I never would have believed it if it weren’t true, but here we are in Havana – “The Land that Time Forgot”!
Fatty: You silly billy! We are in Perth! This is just Havana Cafe in East Perth! Would you believe anything if it were written in a Good Solid Font?
You could be forgiven for thinking you were in Cuba.
Money: Well, now that you mention it, I do have a certain degree of gullibility when pseudo-facts are presented to me in a bold fashion… Sorry about the delays, the trains have been postponed due to an explosion… of flavor!
Paramedics: Report to taste-bud lane for emergency cleanup!
Fidel's gates! What are we gonna do?
Fatty: Don’t worry, I think I know just the remedy…
I say chaps, a lot.
Now wouldn’t that fine smooth Vienna coffee go down a treat? Better drink up now before the poor gingerbread fella drowns. He’s already having nightmares about it – he’s losing his mind, you can see it in his latest work:
Picasso was Cuba.
Money: Phew! That was some heavy stuff going on there. I think we all need to chill out and enjoy our drinks.
I can't quite see what that is on my head, can you lend me a periscope?
Fatty: I wish I could chill, but the heat is on! On my head! And by heat I mean gingerbread man! Do you ever wonder how the gingerbread-man evolved? Did it evolve from the gingerbread-erectus, or the cro-magnum-gingerbread-man? Some fundamentalist Christians no-doubt believe that he didn’t evolve at all, but was created by god 7000 years ago to run faster than the fastest you could run! WHATEVER.
Tonight on Art Hour With Fatty: Fatty with some art.
Fatty: Hello, and welcome to Art-Hour with Fatty. I’m your host: Fatty Boombalatty. Today we’re privileged to be privy to my astute observations surrounding the Cuban Cubists (an art movement that time forgot). Among the key players in this field, Trotskovsky has stood the test of time, and the test of strength. “As strong as an ox” you ask? At least “as” if not “stronger”! This shining light of darkness and brooding casts an ominous shadow on the post-post-futurist-cubist-enlightenment, and with that, as if with all things, is begotten not only into its own, but in the broader sense as well, comes into play in the past, the present, who knows what the future holds?
These two works highlight a concept that is often given less credance than it deserves in the art-world: “Ambidextrous-cubism”. Some may argue that the hand that paints is of little importance, but as they say: “don’t bight the hand that feeds you… idiot”. Like many others, the artist discerns the bounderies of reality and the void with a precision unparallelled in any other field. Some may call it uncanny. Are you game enough to step into the ring and contradict not only them, but also themselves?
A tall order.
Not just prawns and rice - so much more.
Fatty: Yummy! I like shellfish!
Hey there little girl, if you're feeling blue, eat some Italian potato goodness to warm your aching heart.
Money: If you think you can just warm up a nice can of veggies and get the same kind of quality you see here, well. You better have a bloody good can of veggies. Just look at this gnocchi! Absolutely stunning, what it lacks in quantity, it more than makes up for in quality! Why do you mock me with your tiny portions ”expensive-restaurants”? Man cannot subsist on deliciousness alone if it comes in sufficiently small quantities!
~ Bless my aching soul.
~ I wish there was a little more pasta…
~ To go in this pasta bowl (plate).
Luckily, there is enough to review!
Money (reviewing):
- Food: Delicious. Some of the greatest contemporary food of our time! Not enough though… – 8.8/10
- Service: Good solid service with a good solid smile. The staff were more pro-active that even the most ardent pro-activist wait-staff of our time! – 9/10
- Prices: Much too high! $14 for a coffee? $28 for gnocchi? Are you kidding? – 4/10
- Ambiance: Very good. Water, grass, art, shiny thing, clean things, pretty dog (Jack-Russel). – 9/10 (loses a point for orange fenced off bit of ground across the lake)
- Drinks: Very tasty coffee, free water in a cool receptacle. Good-o. – 8.5/10
- Total: 7.86/10
Not every canal gets a steamboat.
Fatty:
- Food: Tiger prawn risotto. I was less impressed with this food than I should have been considering how much I paid for it. The risotto itself was delicious, but the prawns – supposedly the apex of the meal – were tough and un-juicy. There was something else in there too – maybe really soft octopus? I don’t know… It was quite palatable though. 6.5/10
- Drinks: Hot white chocolate. Oh god yeah… 10/10
- Service: Very good. 8/10
- Prices: A bit steep. Paid $30 for my mains and it was not totally filling.
- Ambiance: Lovely. Don’t know what Money was talking about with the whole orange fency thing, all I saw was a beautiful steam boat! 9/10
- Total: 8.375/10
Grand-Total: 8.1175
Money: ~ Bye!
Fatty: ~ Byeeee!
