Totorocafe's Blog

Well well, what… have… we… HERE?

If you’re driving along the coast, looking for a place to sit back and enjoy the view, maybe have a drink or two, maybe eat some vegetarian soup, stop at the wild fig. There you will find the answer. Maybe there isn’t any vegetarian soup, but if there was and it was here, you could eat it and it would probably be quite nice. 5/5!

When you arrive, please don’t be put off by all the signs telling you what to do. They mean well:

If you make it past level one (the sign level), you may be greeted by the first boss. She’s easy to defeat because she is vulnerable to water attack. So no stress! But look out, she has pots that she wields and she can foil your attempts to obtain food by not writing it on her order form.

You defeat her with love. Or water attacks. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Don’t let your guard down just yet – a band of five braggards is hiding around the corner. You can convince them to let you be if you say the password which you got from the old man at the pier.

HA! As if! This is NOT an adventure game, get back to the real world. It’s a cafe/restaurant, and you’re here to do business, so take it a little more seriously, please. The five “braggards” are just a painting, the waitress is just a waitress, and for God’s sakes, just ignore the damn signs!

And now, onto something with more food in it -

Cheesecake is not like life, exactly… It is quite similar in that, when left to its own devices, it will go off and need to be replaced with some unspoiled cheesecake, but aside from that, the two are completely different. Also, sweet on top, sweet in the middle, pastry on the bottom and the sides, which can also be quite sweet. Life is sweet. And if you have shortbread pastry… it is short and sweet.

I think that about covers it, and then you put some kind of berry-sauce flourish thing on the plate, and on the cake… Good.

- Jap’s Notes from the Underground.

Fatty: That was an enthralling chapter. I could just read it over and over. I could read it as many times as i could eat this dessert – hopefully only once. Not that it was bad dessert, you’d just hope they’d give you a fresh one. Now, was it a cake? Was it a pudding? Was it biscuits? It was all that and more… there was icecream too. Ideal if you can’t make up your mind.

Do you think we’re looking a little fatter after all that? We’re full to the brim with satisfaction.  But maybe we could just fit in one more little….

warm spiced cider? Oh the delight! It tantalizes the taste-buds, it tantalizes the eye-buds, it tantalizes the mind-buds, it makes you just tingle inside! Maybe don’t eat the bits though.

But just say you did eat one of those cloves or whatever you call that, and maybe you’re choking on it, and maybe no one will help you, what could you do? You could look up a website on medicine and learn how to cure your ailment. And this is no hypothetical situation – you can get your internet right then and there.

What is a cake? Who designed the pastry pie? Which direction is New-England? How many roses in a bunch? What’s for lunch? Cake? Muffins? Tarts? People say that I got my idea for flying using an umbrella from Mary Poppins… Balderdash!

Nice facial expressions: “Err, really?”, “Yeaaaah Nigga!”. These faces really tell a story that’s a bit far fetched. All the way from New-England or somesuch…

What’s the attraction to cafés anyway? What’s the difference between a band and a hedge-fund? Who invented the scallop? What’s in a box? Who CARES? Stupid questions get stupid answers: Double Dragon!

If you look carefully you can spot the hidden guitarist. What’s he hiding from? You? I wouldn’t blame him. But don’t let that get you down, look at that view ^_^

The Low-down:

Fatty:

• Food: Chocolate pudding, almond biscuits, berry icecream – 8/10
• Drink: Hot Chocolate – 7/10
• Service: If you like service that starts off bad, lowering your expectations, and then improves so that you feel like you’re getting extra special treatment, this is for you! – 6/10
• Internet: Has – 7/10
• Ambience: Good, but they should take off the plastic blinds that obscure the ocean view – 7/10
• Toe-tail: 7/10

Jap:

• That’s me…
• Food: Good food is hard to come by. And this food took quite a bit of effort to get to. Enough said – 9/10
• Drink: Chai (HOW BORING), Steamed cider (FUCK YEAH!) – 9/10
• Service: Bad, then good. o_O – 7/10
• View: Sunset Coolavarde – 9/10
• Totalaro: 8.25 / 10

GLAND POTATOTAL: 7.125 / 10

Posted by Sordina on April 10, 2010 at 8:48 am
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