Green Guy: Welcome!
Piracy... I mean privacy... is available here. Private booths are available *wink*
To the glorious Chinese restaurant ”Emma’s Dim Sum Restaurant”
An empire of vast and unimaginable flavours and scents. Where the visual landscape is replaced (augmented) by undulating plains of exotic tastes and towering mountains of soup or something.
“You can’t tell me what to do” is a phrase you might offer up when I tell you that you should visit, but believe me; Don’t push it buddy. You should go here and try new things once in a while. Full Stop.
What to eat? I can't decide! So much choice I can't abide!
Money: What?? Green Guy… You look a little odd… Are you feeling okay?
Green Guy: Never-mind the strange and frightening events that took place not too long ago whereupon my corporal existence has been hijacked. Here is a Totorocafe review:
As I arrive at the place of entry for Emma’s Dim Sum Restaurant I was struck with an awesome reverence for the artistic mastery of the builders and architects that designed the façade of this restaurant. I’m not sure if it was out of respect, or mere absent-mindedness but I neglected to Photo-optically store the occasion on this instance. Luckily I could just take an arbitrary image off Google.
Never-mind the boring building, the food is what is it about? Yes.
- Soup
- Rice
- Pork
- Wonton
- Beef
The five elements of the Chink-Cuisine.
When combined in various ways an alchemical reaction transmogrifies your boring existence into a wonderful delirium!
The soup was free, so using the equation:
value-for-money = quantity . (times) quality / price
the soup was excellent value for money. What do you say Money?
Don't jump, you've got so much to live for!
Money: I say I say I say! That seems like a water-tight equation if ever I saw one. It makes me want to just jump right into the soup and say “To hell with it all!” to the rest of our nonsensical society. But it’s Green Guy that’s doing the jumping. Lucky me! But wait, don’t worry Green Guy, there are things to live for still, like –
Look out Green Guy, you're being kidnapped!
Chopstick abduction! Haha no, don’t worry, you’re going on the latest carnival ride – THE CHOPS. All the kids are raving about it. So much so that… well… never mind. Just read this sign to relax yourself a little:
It reads, "Do not eat in here, it offends".
Jap: Ahhh! My food has arrived, and it appears to be peppery beef, just like I ordered! What a relief! Oh yes, this is happening in the past, I already knew that I got the peppery beef. This is just a blog of the occasion. Still, a relief that peppery beef came out in the photo and not something else. That would be creepy. Yum.
Pepper. Beef.
And Green Guy is back from his ride. Where’s he landed?
Green Guy: Gosh, I’m on the edge of a bowl of noodle-wonton-soup! No better place to be I suppose. Except maybe in a room full of naked virgins. Except this is better than that.
Noodle yourself an injury if you're not careful!
Allla!!!!!
You might not be able to tell that this is a wall.
Money: You guys haven’t let me get a word in edgewise! Now it’s time to have my say! Because sometimes I think you people go overboard and don’t think before you say what you have to say, and that’s just thoughtless and probably unwise. So hear this:
“Lo, there upon yon table stoodeth mine feast, and I didst behold it. It was warm liketh mine mothers bosom, and refreshing as the winter’s first snow upon a leopard. Eat not here if thy taste deserveth it not, for it shalt be reserved for only the finest of diners!”
Oh, that was some serious hyperbole.
Apply (that's apple-y, not apply) lemons.
Wow.
Time for..... Aaaaaaaart-hour with FATTY!
And now, in the absence of our esteemed art director and devout Christian Fatty Boombalatty, I will review this good art.
A timeless piece of modern mischief hung (like so many others) in the Kurb Gallery. Now the classically trained art connoisseur may gaff at this work for its lack of spacial depth, and undefined edges of the rendered animal (sloth). They may even be left agape at the concept of a sloth picking flowers, or the poor anatomical resemblance to sloths found in the wild. Well damn and blast them. Sometimes the old guard of classical aesthetics should be keel-hauled and drowned along with so many fish:
- Cute.
- Trippy – like woah.
- Sloth is the main subject.
- Flower present.
- Pretty big.
That, frankly is all I need to know.
10/10
This is what the "front" of the cafe looks like.
Now have you ever seen a cafe looking so fine my darling? If only you took care of yourself like she does! You could learn a thing or two from this cafe! *slap!* This is Cnr Cafe. Take note.
It's 1971, the Vietnam war is raging. And somewhere in a little kitchen in Northbridge, a romance is brewing...
Money: Well I never! Here in the least expected of places I have stumbled across something of an amazing character. Look upon it! It is a cake, but not like any other. Hazelnut bedecks its surface, but hidden in its depths lurk an ominous spectre – the mighty Inspector Rex! And some cinnamon. They are synonymous. Synominous. Synomnomnom.
Beer and whiskey will make you frisky. Mint and choc will give you a shock!
And here’s that same cake again next to something of an atrocity – a milkshake too warm for the likes of any gentleman, and too large for a child! Too small for a giant, to whom is this beverage addressed? To no one I can think of. It was something like a choc-mint-surprise but the surprise was that it was too warm.
Not all floors are equal. This one is equally as good as another floor that looks the same though.
Green Guy: Wow, what’s that written all over the floors? I can’t make sense of it at all! Some have suggested it might be a message from an intelligent alien race. But I disagree. In the end, who cares?
Hello, my nickname is Jap. You may know me as Japtholemeu Japopapoly.
Jap: In the end, what matters is that the cake is tasty, the service is good, and the art is…
Captain! Get me the President! We have a situation! A cafe one!
…well there’s a lot of it. Not all good, but it’s only for a cafe, not a gallery or anything. Give it a break!
*grin* chai!
Mmmmmmmmmm chai. What more can I say? Lots more probably.
C-actus in the C-theata.
Money: I do like to see a good old cactus in a cafe. A cafe without a cactus is like a home without a heart. Half. 
Foreground: Milkshake, Green Guy. Background: cake, Jap.
Dear Green Guy: grow up!
A bare bulb is like a bald head, not always a bad thing, but it has to be pulled off with class.
And here is what you will see when you walk into the cafe – a brightly-lit counter, with the addition of some friendly staff (hopefully). Bare light-bulbs seem to be in fashion at the moment. With reason! Look at them glowing!
Prince, in his telltale glory.
And the only thing that will ever glow brighter than the light from all those light-bulbs is the shining glorious god we call “Prince”. More like KING. What a man. Give him a round of applause!
And noooooooowwwwww…..
TOTAL = 7. VERY GOOD.
