A warning for the faint-hearted. Don’t get into this mischief if you can’t handle it. In other words, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the cauldron!
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING WARNING: WITCH ALERT DING-DING
Subiaco is filled with cafes and restaurants, so in order to stand out an establishment has to be truly unique and inviting. The Witch’s Cauldon achieves this with a combination of warm decor, great service, delicious food, and lots of depictions of witches. If you get this feeling you’re being watched by a witch, you probably are.
Fatty: Oh, tell me about it! It was positively creepy! If I wasn’t used to the strange and mysterious forest, I might have been worried my food would turn me into a toad!
Money: I see what you mean Fatty, but then again, once we met the waiter I for one certainly felt much more at ease. He was so helpful and calm. The restaurant was laid out with sophisticated cutlery, crisp white tablecloths, well-designed menus; and the furniture and wall decor was of a comparable quality. When the food arrived, there was no question of whether it was full of evil potions. It was MAGICALLY good!
I'll pour my stew on you!
Fatty: Money, you weren’t even there. This was a solo adventure. That’s why it was so creepy! Though you’re right, it was actually quite hard to feel worried about the occult theme (though I wouldn’t bring my pentecostal church-going friends here, they might think we were here to worship satan) – it was presented in a most sophisticated yet light-hearted manner. Just like that movie we’re in.
I think I just might... drink this flat white...
Fatty: If you look up, you’ll find a picture of me with a cup of coffee. It’s a flat white. Nothing out of the ordinary here. Moving along…
Money: Wait! What did it taste like? Was it served with punctuality and aplomb?
Fatty: They didn’t serve it with a plum. It was frothy, but not too frothy. the taste was rich but not overpowering, and so on and so forth. I would rate it a -
Money: Hold your horses, there’ll be time enough for that later. What else did you drink? You were quite the little piggy at the Witch’s Cauldron, weren’t you?
Fatty: Yes yes, I drank an espresso over ice too! I was so impressed I nearly dropped my monocle, so to speak. They served the espresso in its usual small cup, a glass of ice in a short tumbler, and, the piece de resistance, a pair of ice-tongs! Oh happy day! Never again need I pour ice from my glass! Nor pluck it inelegantly with my claws! I could die with joy…
Depresso? Don't stresso - have an espresso!
I was delighted with the food too. I began with a frothy, moist baked vanilla cheesecake, decorated with a raspberry coulis, and accompanied by a little pot of decadent double cream, topped with a single fresh mint leaf. The biscuit crust was crunchy, the cake was frothy and moist, the cream and coulis made a tantalizing counterpart. The cake was frothy and moist. It was probably the best cheesecake I’ve eaten in all my years! Any sensible totoro would have been quite satisfied, but I simply couldn’t help myself, I just had to taste the Icky Sticky Date Pudding.
Money: You grotesque animal! You foul beast! How could you!
Fluffy and light/ I think I might/ Just take a bite/ In my mouth and out of sight!
Fatty: Oh but I did… and needless to say I didn’t regret it in the slightest. The pudding was a testament to great food, to great dining, to the Great Wall of China. No, not that. Served with mint leaves and a partially sliced strawberry, and a jug of simmering butterscotch sauce on the side, this was a dessert to be reckoned with. I reckon it was pretty darn good.
Enough butterscotch sauce to last forever.
Money: Well I hope you didn’t fill yourself so much you didn’t fit out the doorway, Fatty. Just look at you, it’s a disgrace.
I'll use your toenails to make a love potion!
Fatty: Oh I fitted through the door, and right into the waitress! Ooooh baby! Sorry, that was out of line. The waitress was lovely though, and gave me a warm comforting hug. What an unexpectedly pleasant experience, when I was expecting ghouls and poltergeists.
THE LOWDOWN SMACKDOWN:
- Food: The food was amazing! 9/10
- Drinks: 9/10
- Service: 8/10
- Prices: Very expensive, but probably appropriate7/10
- Ambiance: 8/10
- Total: 41/50 – 8.2/10
Money: Oh god she’s in my room! she’s putting a spell on me! Oh no, it’s a transmogrifying spell! I’m going to turn into a toad! Help me fatty! Heeelllllp Heeelll—
Yes, tis not too bad there, the head chef actually takes a lot of pride in his work. I know this caause I used to work there… Good place. Good food and a very clean kitchen!
oh fatty, you so fat.
but nice detailed review, I would really like to try out that pudding!